The YES Women

I remember numerous times hearing from someone who I fought for approval from for many years repeat , "Jaydee you either or going to die or end up pregnant," followed by "I always think your going to get it together and than you end up screwing it all up again." 

Oh was he right , I did screw up ... over and over again and I did make countless mistakes & I also got pregnant at the age of 20. 

But what he must have been unaware of ... is that my determination for rebellion in all its radicalness ... could also be used to fuel, with that same passion, my resiliency. 

I also was struggling, hurting, bewildered, had countless amounts of questions, many resentments, a hostile environment surrounding me, lack of an education, rage and caged resentment, and a soul searching for peace, the deepest need for self love and self awareness that I tried to find in others, a lack of appreciation and love for my body, the pivotal necessity of realizing and becoming aware of the beauty in vulnerability, desire for Self expression and the upmost need for the verbalization of my feelings & my love for myself, my life and my passions back. The ability to dream and the confidence that I could still... even in the struggle ... move mountains. 

Also, the need for tools, healthy coping mechanisms and having sacred space to sort through my darkening path & support to do so. 

I needed to be heard. 

Today ... we won my fellow sisters. 

My fellow reckless and angry and searching teen girls. 

My fellow drunken, bumming cigarette smoking underage, sneak out of the house "sluts"

My fellow hurting and searching bewildered hearts

My fellow "who do I fit in with" self conscious "awkward stage" misfits

My fellow "I don't remember what happened last night" shame morning after walkers who cradled themselves in their beds the next morning saying you were "hungover" yet innately trying to escape "what they all knew that you didn't" and the inability to disclose what did happen due to so many feels and embarrassment. 

My fellow big hearted and fierce lovers who continual make excuses for others behaviors. 

My fellow Lonely yet surrounded my people souls. 

My fellow "I'm hurting so badly" but no one understands humans 

My fellow "I'm too deep in it now to get out" souls 

My fellow "I just want some help" but don't want to be viewed as weak warriors 

My fellow  "I just took too many and drank too much" early risers

My fellow "but I thought you loved me" broken hearted girls

My fellow "I'm pregnant" young and struggling , growing up over night mothers 

My fellow "maybe they are right about me ..." questioners 

My fellow , "but I love him" soul searchers 

My fellow "I will never get there, do that, achieve that " wonderers, seekers, and yearners. 

My fellow "I am worthless" need of self lovers 

--- My fellow young girls and rising women. 

They were not speaking truth to you. 

Your depression does not mean you "are always sad and choose to play the victim" 

Your experimentation with sexuality and seeking love "in all the wrong places"  does not mean "you are a slut" 

Your self mutilization does not mean, "you are crazy" 

Your search for approval and love ... does not mean you are "the reason bad things keep happening to you" 

Your declining grades does not mean "you are not intelligent & never going to get anywhere in life" 

Your few or many bad semesters does not mean "you are never going to graduate" 

Your "setbacks" or closed doors in your career does not mean "you will never succeed" 

Your resentment and anger does not mean "you must have something wrong with you" or "you are just a heartless person" 

You my love, are hurting . 
You my love, can do this thing called life. 
You my love, can get back up and rock out life . 
You my love, are not lost ... you are seeking. 
You my love, are worthy of love, boundaries and healthy tools to express yourself. 
You my love, will figure it out . 
You my love, can and will rise from the ashes of your life. 
You my love, can be anything you want to be. 
You my love, can set boundaries. 
You my love, can get sober. 
You my love, can find what your soul is yearning for ... if you listen. 
You my love, can heal and find space to travel through your timeline. 
You my love, can pursue your goals and dreams and achieve them 
You my love, deserve a love that doesn't hurt. 
You my love, deserve to take care of and love your body. 
You my love are brilliant, magical, and so worthy of a life you find glorious. 
You my love .... GOT THIS . 

They are wrong about you. 

Today my loves, I celebrated one year and on to the second year ... at a job I absolutely love. 

At an organization that gave me the "yes" amongst many many "nos" 

This organization switched up all those statements for me ... and choose to see me , in all I am. They watched me struggle through difficult times at my journey ... and continued to celebrate my every small step in rising and finding myself and my passions. 

No ... was not in my equation. 
Hope and love and pursuing what set my soul on fire, which was my family and my dreams, was the equation. 

When one woman rises from her ashes... we all do. 

This year has been full of getting to know myself, sitting in this chair, being in the community & stepping into discomfort so that I may be the best social worker and advocate I can be. 

I've been able to step into journeys with the women that "were either going to die or end up pregnant" and watch them thrive, heal, feel broken and love on all their pieces as they gather them back up, I've witnessed life shifts and awe moments, times of grief and times of celebration, moments of pure gratitude and of rage, resentment, and love unfold. 

The "too much" women & "too much girls" rise. 

They soar and they move mountains. 

Today ... I see you women. 
I witness you, am friends with you, work for you, work with you, Serve you in my career, am family with you, share space with you and experience you. 

We got this . 

Let's us continue on... despite what statistics say, despite what critics say, despite what anyone says. 

I celebrate you . 
Today we accomplished something my loves! 

We are the "YES" women.

Let us hold one another in the hard times 
Let us stand up for one another
Let us empower one another
Let us not rush each other's healing 
Let us connect and have soulful conversations 
Let us hold one another accountable
Let us provide sacred space for one another to process and verbalize whatever is consuming their thoughts 
Let us celebrate each others little and small victories
Let us sit with one another in our dark moments and struggles and shadows
Let us love one another 
Let us fight injustices and stand for what we feel strongly about 
Let us ... be exactly who we were born to me! 

Love you all . 

Today , when I realized it had been a year ...the first emotional feel I got - was for  US.

Don't you dare give up on you .

Today .. you were right in this seat with me ❤️

Sending love and all types of brave vibes, 
The Soul Grind


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