You Will Rise- Survivors Voice

"Its not about finding your voice, its about giving yourself permission to use it." 
Kris Carr


To begin this soul grind journey, 
I googled the word Innocence and this picture above popped up.
I honestly love it. 
She looks radical to me, full of "I don't give a..." 
She looks jaded with some worldly wisdom you want to unlock and rocking an independent soul, like its no ones business. 
She also has a rare beauty about her. (innocent almost)
The type of beauty that seems warriorish but yet so full of Queen energy and some love. 

At least, thats what I get... 

The picture did somewhat surprise me though when pondering the word innocence. 
Maybe, this occurred due to innocence appearing to have a picture in my mind of an untouched being, not bruised and not torn or damaged, childlike, virginal, angelic, unaware of the troubles and dangers of the world and carefree. The word almost could use a "glow" around it, or at least feels that way to me. 

What is innocence anymore? 
What does innocence mean for you? 


When thinking of the recent trial flooding media, this exact word came to mind... innocence. 
and the forceful act of what is 
"beautiful, sacred, untouched and not bruised or damaged" 
being forcefully taken from her, without her consent. 
 Something I also pondered, while sitting in this, is the fact that I now believe, wholeheartedly, that age has no relation to innocence. 
I feel it is soul work and can be rediscovered from the depths, if one chooses, which I am very grateful for. 


Well, the recent trial concerning a women being forcefully raped, who was unconscious, left completely alone with her dignity and her consent seeming to mirror the exact state of her body, which was covered in pines and dirt, along with her clothing lifted over her head intentionally- exposing her body for anyone to see and seeming to resemble what someone perceived as her worth... as though it should be thrown in the dumpster that she was forcefully raped against.  

This injustice has ripped me right open, caused me to cry and mourn for her innocence and her justice. It has also had me sitting in my survivor with a heavy heart, wanting to hold her and speak love continuously to her broken soul and body. 

 What has our world come to? 

Did this rapist (which is exactly what he is) break her? 
Well, sorry white privileged athlete...you may have taken advantage of a women, who was unconscious, without her consent AND sent her trauma in news headlines throughout the United States- as you attempted to lie and cover your act of violence with excuses upon manipulation of your complete violation and abuse of a humans RIGHTS ...
but you did not take all of her....

This woman has courage that I am still in awe of and radically moved by. 
Woman, you have empowered my soul. 
He did not take your VOICE & the freaking respect you have for yourself. 
You see your worth. We see your Worth. 
YOU ARE SO WORTHY. 
He  seems to have awakened that beautiful beast of a voice that you had within you.
You not only found that voice of yours, in the time you felt most silenced, but you ROARED beautiful soul, you ROARED.  
I do not know you, but with all my heart I am so proud of you. 

What can we learn from a tragedy and a nightmare of another? 
Compassion. 
Radical Love for a Stranger 
Empathy.
The ability to say "Yes, I believe you."
The ability to advocate for judges, leaders, and those in authority to stop enabling abuse
The ability to educate a younger generation 
The ability to sit in the darkness with those you know who have encountered nightmares such as these
Advocate for those who have trouble doing so for themselves
The ability to set boundaries with others who take abuse as a joke and to put a STOP to it. 
Stop putting RAPE/SEXUAL ASSAULT in a box.
("Rape doesn't always look one exact way. Stop making excuses for the way one or few intentionally inflict pain on another human being, in whatever tactic it may be used. Rape is Rape. Abuse is Abuse. Don't define it and put it in a box. It means and appears to mirror many different things to many different people that would tell you that their nightmare is REAL and is WRONG and is ABUSE.")  
Do not Rush the Healing Process 
Most importantly: Let the Survivors voices be Heard. 

Well, This story not only set my soul on fire as I wept in injustice and literally felt my heart pound as her story unfolded but also something else happened..

I felt my mind imagine what the court room looked like, felt like, and the silence within the room  as she stated she wanted to read a letter to the stranger that chose to put his sexual satisfaction over the importance and worthiness of her body and soul  .... BAM. 
The power and vulnerability and ability to speak her truth and her healing processes and attempt to regain her strength is RADICAL. I cant say it enough. 
BEAUTIFUL. 

My story of making my tireless journey from victim to survivor is not like hers,
 but our sisterhood of being Survivors unites our souls, to me, in a powerful way. 
Survivors relate, we genuinely feel at times, we empower one another, we share and grieve together and most importantly we unify. 
The ability to look at another beautiful soul and say, "I get it" has no words. 

My story began and journeyed much differently than hers. 
I wasn't continually assaulted by a stranger, I was assaulted by someone I "loved"
I wasn't left by a dumpster, I was in my own bed.
I wasn't left naked, I was constantly in lingerie 
I wasn't unconscious, I gradually became silent
I wasn't unaware it was coming, Everyday I knew I had to endure it again
I didn't end up in a hospital due to rape, I wound up in the hospital because I was pregnant

Though, our journeys are much different, much is the same.

She feels dirty, as did i for relentless years. 
She does not look at her body the same, as did I.
She tried to remain strong for others when she felt incredibly weak, as did I. 
She heard his voice and saw his face when she doubts her worth, as did I. 
She will continue to work, live, and in loneliness she will began to heal and grieve, as did I. 
She will feel shame and guilt for what has happened to her, as did I. 
She will try to keep herself busy, as did I. 
She will fear intimacy and places of intimacy and look at it in disdain, instead a place of serenity and rest, as did I. 
She will distance herself, as did I.
She will try to rush her healing, as did I.
She will be unable to think of anyone as trustworthy, as did I. 
She will re live moments over and over again, as did I. 
She will shame herself in so many ways, as do I. 
She will think somethings wrong with her, as did I. 
She will see all humans, at times, as this human, as did I.
She will ache, as did I. 

She will weep. 
She will be angry,
She will grieve.
She will mourn.
She will scream. 


She will relearn to love herself, her body and her soul to a great extent.
She will sit in her feelings in times of silence.
She will learn to retouch, re encounter, and re unite with her body, as did I. 
& she will experiment her voice out & she will ROAR. 
She will bring her loved ones close again, and become vulnerable. 
She will use her journey and empower others. 
She will seek and find support. 
She will find her love for her hobbies, her friendships and she will discover new ones
She will find compassion for so many human beings and brilliant souls. 
She will relearn how beautiful love for another may be.
She will dance and sing and regain her sense of innocence .
She will acknowledge and accept this is not her fault
She will learn to enjoy living life again in all its spender. 
She will see life much more beautiful, one day, than most humans you know. 
She will love herself, to an extent that out pours upon others. 
She will replace your lies, with her TRUTHS
She will celebrate in her Survivor and walk around with Queen energy
She will have many many days of soul searching, weakening, difficult days but she will discover so much about her soul and her beauty in these days and she will continue to rise. 
She is a survivor and she realizes you can take some things from her but there is so many aspects of herself that you haven't touched. 
She claims her Worthiness


SHE WILL RISE FROM THE F'N ASHES, beautifully! 

Fellow, survivor souls. I welcome you and honor you. 

You are worthy
You are beautiful
You are powerful
You will continue to rise. 

I encourage you to step outside of your silence and to pick your voice back up and ROAR.
I encourage you to see your worth. 
I encourage you to find support. 
I encourage you to be all you desire to be. 
I encourage you to find safety for you and your families.
I encourage you to love yourself enough, to listen to your intuition. 
I encourage you to not see asking for help as weak, because it mirrors your strength. 
I encourage you to stand up for yourself, in your beautiful powerful.
I encourage you to see what freedom feels like. 

I hear you, I see you, I believe you & I empower you. 


" When she finally realized she had a voice, She had A LOT to say. She was never silent again." 

Queenisms 


BREAK THE SILENCE. 

If interested in advocating and discussing the topic of  domestic violence/sexual assault/intimate partner violence use this video: 






Sending some radical love 
 & thank you for being apart of #thesoulgrind. 
Powerful stuff going on. 

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